i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
