I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
