I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
