1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just had sex bonerless
what day is it and did you see me today?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
