Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He did a backflip because drugs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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