You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
