Umm I'm too high to move.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
