she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You can't special order awesome
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
