I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
