I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
