If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
