So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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