walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
