elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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