he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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