nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
