I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
