nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
two words: eviction party
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
