I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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