Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
