I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
