How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We have started to decorate penises.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
