I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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