I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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