he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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