Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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