He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
