my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
