I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
