There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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