How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love you. Go after that dick
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
