god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
