Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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