I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just gargled with NyQuil
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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