I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
