if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
