You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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