She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
