He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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