You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
