dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
