I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i've created a new STD.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
