We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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