Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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