so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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