Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
