one word: firstdatebathroomanal
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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