I skipped work to stalk him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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