But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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