low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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