and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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