Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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