I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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