Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
