Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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