Moan for me like Helen Keller
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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