i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
