I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
