i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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