we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you would pick up someone in the library
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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