I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
