I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's blow job season.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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