You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
