I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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