He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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