This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
