eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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