Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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