Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
