You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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